Growing Up Not Out – Long Read
For the better part of my life, I have enjoyed playing video games. Like many South Africans who grew up in the early 90s, my family would often huddle around the Golden China NES knockoff gaming system that was so popular here at the time. Games like Super Mario Bros., Arkanoid, Tiny Toon Adventures and The Flintstones were regular features on our TV screen, especially during school holidays. But while countless hours were spent navigating linear levels and hunting for shortcuts, I had never thought of myself as a gamer.
Growing up, money was tight. PCs were not the household staple they are today, so computer games and the PlayStation was never really on my radar. But toward the end of my high school career, I got my hands on a PlayStation 2. I did not know what that really meant and I happily spent my time playing cheap licensed movie games and PSM demo discs.
PlayStation 2
Of course, I gradually worked my way up and developed a taste for certain types of games. I thoroughly enjoyed Ico and looked forward to Shadow of the Colossus. I was blown away by the hack and slash violence-fest that was the original God of War. And I played my very first Final Fantasy title on this system too. To this day Final Fantasy X is my favourite entry in the series, so I guess what they say is true – your first one will always be the best one. My investment in this huge JRPG and love of Disney made Kingdom Hearts a no-brainer. I loved that game too. The games were good and I loved playing them. What more could I need?
When talk of the PlayStation 3 started circulating in the early 2000s, I couldn’t care less. What was wrong with the PS2? I could not imagine how games could be improved upon – for me, games were just games, and I never had a need for better. Yet, when the PS3 launched locally in 2007, I was itching to get my hands on it.
PlayStation 3
With the steep price tag and pitiful launch line-up of this console, I could not get a game to go with my shiny, new beast of a console. I had no idea what HD was and happily hooked it up to the ancient CRT TV in my room. And on this overpowered, backwards compatible console I continued playing my way through the PS2 library I had built up over the years.
The most notable title in this cycle is undoubtedly Final Fantasy XII. I started that game in 2007, and over years of on-again, off-again play I have racked up nearly 150 hours and a party damned close to level 99. To this day, I have not completed the game. But somehow, I managed to hang onto my original saves for that rainy day when I will go all in and finish the hell out of it. But that’s another story.
It was only two years later that I finally dipped my toes into the deep end of the gamer pool during the best gaming generation ever.
The Golden Age
When Sony got their shit together and started releasing some top quality PS3 titles I was strapped in for the ride. Uncharted got me all giddy and excited while Assassin’s Creed changed the way I thought about games. What do you mean I can choose how I want to approach the boss? Mind blown.
It is here that a love affair was born. I could not get enough. I ploughed through game after game and enjoyed every single second. HD had become my friend and on my glorious 42” Sony Bravia I marvelled in the 720p goodness of the new generation.
Uncharted 2 and Uncharted 3 were big enough events in my life that I took time off work to immerse myself in the adventures of Nathan Drake at launch. The Assassin’s Creed series got better and better with each new entry. Darksiders had me at hello. Little Big Planet was a delightful time waster – so much so that I even bought a second controller to complete the multiplayer sections. Resident Evil 5 opened my eyes to not only the survival horror genre but also to how enjoyable co-op gameplay can be. And then the trophies. God, the trophies.
Trophies, Trophies, Trophies!
When Sony introduced trophy functionality to the PS3, I became a hunter. The triumphant popping chime will forever be associated with achievement and still makes my heart skip a beat. The first game I ever platinumed was Assassin’s Creed II. The sense of accomplishment I got from playing through every single scenario in the game, collecting each feather and weapon and painting was worth the time invested. Next up I platinumed Tomb Raider Underworld. Then God of War III, Darksiders and Okami – the PS3 HD remake of a game I had played twice before on PS2.
Red Dead Redemption
Then came Red Dead Redemption. I went into it blind but was quickly addicted to the open-world cowboy life. Pretty soon I was spending hours and days and weeks of my time with John Marston, riding off into the Nuevo Paraiso, New Austin and West Elizabeth sunsets. I hunted bears. I killed cougars with a knife. I played as honourably as possible and knew the sprawling map like the back of my hand. Marston’s story resonated with me emotionally. I was moved. Even upon [SPOILER ALERT] his death, I did not put the controller down. I worked hard to collect each offline trophy available. I did the same with Undead Nightmare, the spectacular RDR DLC.
Gaming was great and life was good. Newer games were looking prettier and prettier while the developers seemed less scared of making meaningful narrative choices. The games were getting bigger too. With so much to do, choosing a world to spend some time in became harder and harder.
Then came the PlayStation 4. True 1080p HD gaming. Larger games. More eye candy. Social gaming. Better this, better that, better everything. How could I say no?
I don’t think I was prepared though. Nevertheless, my PS3 was shoved aside mid-game to make room for the new generation.
PlayStation 4
As with the PS3 at launch, I knew the PS4 needed some time to build up a library of must-play games. There was a new Uncharted coming, but that was still a few years away.
Even though I had played The Last of Us on the PS3 a few months earlier, I replayed the remaster on the new system.
Next, I bought Assassin’s Creed IV: Black Flag. I already owned the PS3 collector’s edition, but as I had not played too far into the game I thought it would be a good idea to restart on the PS4. Which I did, and I enjoyed. The quality was unquestionably better than the PS3 version, and the game was a breath of fresh air for the fatigued Assassin’s Creed series. But, for some reason, about halfway through the game I kind of lost interest. I can not pinpoint the reason why, but it still sits on my console, unplayed for probably a year or three. I keep telling myself that I will get to it though.
True Next Gen
I moved on to something new. I got a copy of The Evil Within. Again, looks beautiful, plays like a dream. Again, halfway through I lost interest. Maybe I needed something more familiar? Yes, let’s do that. Tomb Raider Definitive Edition. I had completed the PS3 version, but here we go again. Loved it. Ooooh, The Uncharted Collection is out. Better get on that. Because I have come so far on the PS3 versions, trophy wise, I can’t say I have given that disc a fair spin yet.
No matter, because Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End came out. Finally, a true PS4 game that I was hooked on. Until Dawn was great fun. And so was Uncharted: The Lost Legacy. Rise of the Tomb Raider was amazing as well, never mind the fact that PS4 owners had to wait a year after the XBox launch before it released on our consoles. Then there was Lego Jurassic World. Fun. but still a Lego game.
Taking Stock
Six. That’s the number of games I completed on my PS4. 21 is the number of PS4 games I own. 15 is the number of half-played or unopened games on my shelf. Six of these titles are remasters of games I own on PS3. Six is the number of games that might have a shot at being played again.
But why?
This seemed a hard question to answer. I had to weigh up all the variables. The PS3 generation was in my twenties. I was single. I had a whole bunch of disposable time and income. Fair enough. Now I am married. I work more and earn more, but life is more expensive. Maybe that’s it?
Overwhelming New Worlds
PS4 games are nearly double the price of PS3 games back in the day. I find myself having to wait for games to become available second hand or go on special on the PlayStation Store before I can justify the purchase. But even then I seem to be wary of new titles. New, large games that require a hefty investment of both money and time. Those are the games I will start to play, lose interest in or become overwhelmed, and promise to return to later. As I am writing this, The Witcher III: Wild Hunt, Horizon Zero Dawn, Alien: Isolation and Assassin’s Creed Unity are glaring at me. Unfinished. Probably permanently. And these are critically well-reviewed games.
Are there still games on my wishlist? Sure. I would love to get my hands on Assassin’s Creed Syndicate and Origins, God of War and Shadow of the Tomb Raider. Unfortunately, I do not have a thousand bucks a pop to drop on games I am not sure I’ll ever fully enjoy or even complete.
Then there are all the HD re-re-releases. Okami is now on the PS4. So is Shadow of the Colossus. And Kingdom Hearts. In fact, the bulk of my PS2 and PS3 collection has been remastered for the PS4. But I have all these games on different platforms. I have played them to exhaustion, so why do I feel I need to pay a crap ton of money to have them on a new system?
Familiarity, that’s why. I know them. I know that I can finish them. And I know that I will enjoy it.
A Gamer’s End?
Or, maybe I am just not a gamer anymore? Did I outgrow my digital life? Have I replaced hack and slash with DIY and brunch? Is this normal? Of course, my life has changed and my priorities have shifted. But enough to give up on a pastime that brought me so much joy?
I decided to perform a little experiment. A few months ago I unplugged the PS4 and shifted my focus back to my PS3. I have so many games I want to finish or platinum, and they are sitting on my shelf, unplayed only because I feel I have to use the newer system.
A Fresh Start
In the few months since I have finished seven games. Seven! Of which I have platinumed three. I ventured into Skyrim and loved it. The game is still unfinished, but only because it is so damned large. I finally opened my PS3 copy of Grand Theft Auto V and see myself spending so much more time in Los Santos. Hell, I am even replaying Dante’s Inferno, a game I didn’t love but didn’t hate when I originally played it eight years ago.
So I have not outgrown gaming. Phew! But what is the block then?
I have to be honest here and admit that I don’t think I have grown into the new generation. The majority of games out there do not cater to my tastes, no matter how hard I try to fool myself. Of course, there are amazing games still coming, and I know I’ll be first in line to play if I had the spare moolah. Spider-man looks awesome. Shadow of the Tomb Raider is a must play for this Croft fan. And Red Dead Redemption 2 will be the one game I pay full price for this year. But three games do not a hobby make.
Shifting Paradigms
I need to change the way I think about gaming. I need to free myself from the consumerist side of things by reminding myself that I am a gamer, not a consumer. I like gaming because it is fun. Not because the marketing department tells me to.
Gaming has changed for me. It still has a place in my life, but my stay as the target demographic is coming to an end. My return to PS3 taught me that I need to shift focus from my lack of games on a current console to the abundance of games on the three consoles I own. I have more than enough games on the PS2, PS3 and PS4 to fill up my free time. Not to mention the PSP and Vita backlog I have.
My way forward will be to work my way through the games I own. To hunt down the platinum trophies that still elude me. And to treat each console as an equal. I have learned the lesson that better is not always better, but great is to make the best out of a given situation.
A Future Built on a Solid Past
When I played Uncharted 4: A Thief’s End, I felt sad. Sad that Nathan Drake had outgrown adventure. Because I was not ready to face the sad truth that I had possibly outgrown gaming. A depressing thought it was. But as the game progressed and Nathan recaptured the thrill of his earlier adventures, I felt as though I was reliving my gaming prime. And at the end, when he holstered his gun for the last time, I understood the feeling. I was in a way holstering my controller.
But just like Drake, I managed to find a place for the adventures I so loved. And this place was rooted in the past, in the older consoles that brought me joy, and that have no reason to stop bringing me joy for years to come.
So while the next gaming generation has most likely left me behind, I have three generations and two handhelds to keep my itchy fingers occupied. And I will allow myself to love every moment, every trophy, every victory and defeat. And maybe, just maybe, one day, I’ll finish Final Fantasy XII.
